


One Heart

by RivetBucktail (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: As well, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, Steven helps, Watchmen References, and modern works, from both the golden age, of animation, references to different animations, see if you can spot them all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26990620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/RivetBucktail
Summary: "Yes, I know that you're not her, but you were hers... You know what it meant to love her, and you remind me so much of her…"One Gem struggles to cope with loss, and finds help and assistance from a new friend.
Kudos: 2





	One Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Gift fanfiction for an acquaintance. Written by Rivet Bucktail.

_I'm broken…_

_So broken inside._

_That day, after my sanity slipped away so suddenly, I’ve wondered whether it were truly possible to reclaim what I once had, because I treasured it. I miss it almost as much as I miss_ her _._

_I had depended on her for so long..._

_Was waiting for her for so long…_

_Only for her to vanish._

_Now she’s gone._

_And without her by my side, will I ever again be the person that I once was? The girl I used to be?_

_It’s hard… Hard each day to push forward and to heal inside..._

_But with his help, just maybe…_

**("** **_Yes, I know that you're not her, but you were hers... You know what it meant to love her, and you remind me so much of her…_ ** **"**

**One Gem struggles to cope with loss, and finds help and assistance from a new friend.)**

******

She held a performance each day for the entertainment of the vast crowd of her regular patrons. Was satisfied doing it for the laughter and the joy the audience experienced watching her antics, the illusions, the circus tricks… 

“The Greatest Show in the Universe”, it’d been christened. She always received top billing as the coveted event’s illustrious main performer, walking the tightrope whilst juggling; performing death-defying acrobatics with her stretchy body; or just telling jokes, during the routine dubbed “The Cosmic Comedy Hour”. 

All fun stuff. 

Introduced by the circus ringleader each night as “The Merry, Magenta Maiden, the Pink Punchinello Princess herself…” Spinel dearly treasured her role as Gemstone Homeworld’s highest-held show performer, reprising her prior role as the old Empress’s jester. 

But without the Empress, her former Master, purpose…and her own laughter and joy, too, had all but faded away. 

Weekly therapy with the certified Kindergartner Peridot she met with hadn’t gone well. 

“I’m depressed,” she breathed tiredly to the Kindergartner Peridot as she lay still on the office’s _chaise longue_. “Life is harsh and cruel, and I feel all alone in this threatening Universe where what lies ahead is vague... and uncertain.” 

The doctor looked up from the other Gem's chart displayed on the glowing holographic screen in front of her. "Treatment is simple,” the Peridot replied in her thick Galactic Common accent as she placed the chart in her small lap. “Great clown Spinel is in Capitol City tonight. Go and see her! That should pick you up.” 

Something wrenched inside of Spinel’s heart and she began to weep. Stretching her way over to the Kindergartner from the seat, she grabbed the smaller Gem by the shoulders and shook her violently. "But Doctor…!” she cried, “I _am_ Spinel!” 

“You’re _that_ same Spinel that became Princess and holds circus show in City on regular basis?” the Peridot asked, adjusting her visor as she gently removed Spinel's palms from her shoulders. “Am sorry. I should have known because of your _Forme_. Should have recognized you.” 

Spinel returned to her _chaise longue_ gloomily and glanced at the floor, sitting up slumped over. 

“...What’s wrong with me, Doc?” she asked. 

“Is also simple,” the Peridot replied. “You suffer from _Forme_ Degeneration, which is common symptom in some Gems as result of post traumatic stress disorder. Is product of severe mental anguish caused by mental health crisis you experienced, triggered by the loss of bonded companion, in your case and condition. The mind is key component Gems require to generate _Forme_ , and keeping normal _Forme_ is dependent on taking time to shape it from within. It also takes having sound mental well-being. All Spinel live to serve a person, persons, or a community, and when bonded community or persons are harshly taken away, some form of dysfunction always manifests in that Gem’s behavior. Or appearance also, as it's so in your circumstances.” 

Spinel sighed, and the Peridot continued. 

“Waiting six thousand years for your Master to return only for her to relinquish her _Forme_ and cease to be has taken serious toll on your mental wellness.” 

“I tried to kill a planet,” Spinel said, deadpan. 

“...Is important to continue with electro-shock therapy to your Gem to ensure that this does not happen again, yes?” the Peridot chided. “Will help stabilize your way of thinking over time; will help you get better.” 

“I know; I know…” Spinel sighed. 

“...How is appetite?” the Peridot asked, concerned. 

“Nonexistent,” she told the Peridot. “I haven’t shapeshifted a digestive system yet, so I don’t eat.” 

“Eating can be quite good for the _Forme_ ,” the Peridot replied. “Is good form of therapy Gems on Earth discovered that quells inner stress and relaxes the mind through the chewing and digestion process. Should try sometime if you are willing.” 

****** 

Spinel returned later that evening to the throne room of the Citadel where the Diamonds sat, with a bottle of fizzy drink in a paper bag in hand, staggering and slurring. 

“Whuzzup, Muh Diamonds,” she said with eye contact, crossing her stretchy, rubbery arms in a triple Diamond Salute, albeit one upside-down. 

“Hello there, Precious,” White Diamond spoke, beaming. “Welcome back to the Palace! And how was therapy?” 

“It SUCKED!” Spinel yelled, stumbling backwards from the force of her outburst. “The doctor said I should try eating, but do you know what happens six hours after you swallow solid food?” She blew a long, loud raspberry and shook her head from side to side. 

“No, I’m not sure. What happens?” Yellow Diamond asked curiously, sitting on her throne. 

“You hafta go to the bathroom,” the pink Gem replied simply, stumbling. Spinel hiccupped and took another swig of her drink, burping loudly. “I don’t wanna make a mess, so I just bought this stuff everyone is importing from Earth now. It tastes kinda funny… But not like, ‘Hah-ha’ funny, like the stuff I do. I just mean, like, ‘funny-strange’.” 

Blue Diamond reached down to pet Spinel, and the smaller woman purred drunkenly as her face was caressed. She happened to drop the bottle and the bag, causing some of the bottle’s contents to spill out onto the floor. 

“My gin!” she cried, clutching her hair. “I’ve wasted my precious gin!” Hastily, she began to stoop down on the floor to slurp it up. 

“It isn’t gin, though," Blue Diamond replied. “It says ‘Seltzer’ on the bottle.” 

The pink Gem picked up the bottle and sprayed its seltzer on huge Blue Diamond’s face and the other two Diamonds burst out laughing. 

“Circus tricks,” Spinel slurred and hiccupped again. 

Blue Diamond laughed also. “Oh, Spinel!” she said, “You’re so funny!” 

“I’m alsho _wasted_ ,” Spinel slurred, “Which is weird. I don’t know how I got drunk on Seltzer water. It must be my gem, I guesh. I think it’s pretty shensitive to this stuff…” 

“You poor thing,” White Diamond cooed, taking the drunken Gem into her arms. “Is it the stress, Sweetheart? Double-jobbing on the throne and in the circus got you down?” 

“What is my life!?” Spinel yowled in White Diamond’s hands and she suddenly began to cry. “It’s not either the throne or the circus… It’s that I’m missing someone incredibly important to me…!” 

“ _Shh_ , _shh_ … There, there, Dear,” White Diamond soothed. “They’re not _gone_ ; that person…” she began cautiously. “They’ve just… become someone else.” 

“Nnnmn…” the smaller, pink Gem groaned, and hiccupped a third time as the misery of being left without her bonded companion gripped her emotions and ravaged her tired, burdened heart. 

“I have an idea,” White Diamond began, and the three Diamonds smiled at Spinel gently. “Why don’t you go visit that special person? That might help you to feel better!” 

The pink Gem glanced up at her questioningly. 

****** 

The Warp Pad connected to his house. 

“Steven…?” Spinel began as she entered his room. “Steven, are you there?” 

He was asleep in his bed, sawing logs under the soft covers. Spinel tiptoed into his bedroom and shook him gently. “Steven, it’s me, Spinel,” she said. “Wake up. Please! I need to speak with you.” 

“Nnnm…” Steven began. “Five more minutes, Pearl…” 

“No, no, it’s Spinel,” she whispered as Steven groggily opened his tired eyes. 

“Spinel?” he asked. “What are you doing here?” 

“I came to visit you,” she replied, smiling at the corner of her troubled visage. “I need to talk and there’s somewhere I’d like to take you…” 

****** 

Steven got dressed and they once again visited a place that was once very special to the Gem woman. 

“You brought me back to this place…” Steven said. “My Mom’s Garden.” 

The Garden was in a serious state of decline, and most of the plants in the vast space station grounds looked dead, kept alive only by the automated groundskeeping systems of the garden soil. The two Gems walked to the podium near the garden’s center. 

“Pink Diamond’s Botanical Garden was the place where I spent the happiest days of my life,” Spinel spoke. “This private plot of plants was where I played with my paramount pal as her perfect pink, paisan playmate.” A rush of emotions overtook her suddenly and she blinked back tears. “...Try saying that five times fast…” 

“Oh, Spinel,” Steven began with empathy, and he squeezed her hand. 

“N-no, it’s fine. I’m fine. It’s okay,” she spoke again, sniffling and smiling a smile that barely held the tears at bay. 

“It’s not and I can sense it,” Steven whispered. 

She glanced away before her face scrunched up in anguish, and Steven hurried to embrace her as the sobs wracked her body. 

“She just left one day, you know?” Spinel said in-between sobs. “Promised she’d be back and I stood there for six freakin’ millennia just waiting for her return and now she’s _gone_ , y’know?” 

“How can I help you?” Steven asked, holding her tight. 

“Just spend some time here and hear me out?” 

“Certainly.” 

They spoke about Spinel’s first memories as Pink Diamond’s jester and how happy Spinel had been to be matched with someone to entertain, someone to serve… A playmate. 

“It’s what all Spinels yearn for,” she told him. “I’m made to please, and it’s written into me to do just that for my friend. Till shattering separate us...” 

Steven looked on her sadly. 

“Look here,” she told him and reached down to pick a flower from the nearby soil. It was a small, pink hibiscus. 

“These were her favorite flower,” she said softly. 

“I see…” 

Sniffling, Spinel reached up and placed the flower in Steven’s hair. 

“ _...I know that you're not her, but you were hers..._ You know what it meant to love her, and you remind me so much of her…” Spinel whispered. 

She hugged him. 

“I wish I could be with her just one last time…” she said. “...Have you ever heard from her? Spoken to her? ...Seen her in your dreams?” 

“Sometimes…” Steven said. “Sometimes I see her, and chase after her, but she just drifts away, and then I wake up.” 

“She never talks to you?” 

“...I’ve never heard her voice inside…” 

Spinel was silent for a moment. She spoke suddenly. “But you’re here. ...I have you now, right? You taught me that I could learn to love again... Maybe...Maybe I could start over with--” 

“It would be different, though,” Steven said. “I was hers, though I’m not her…” 

“Steven, please… I _need_ … she was...she was my Master…” 

Steven helped her into a kneeling position so that they both sat on the pavement of the Garden’s stone flooring. 

“Spinel,” Steven said softly, “I’m not going to be your new Master. But I will say it again: I’ll be your friend. And as your friend I’m going to do my very best to support you.” He placed his forehead to hers and hugged her close once more. 

Despite the deep disappointment that stung inside, Spinel couldn’t help but smile in the moment and she hugged Steven back. 

****** 

The circus performed the next day. Steven had a special seat to the performance, where the Diamonds would otherwise sit were they there. Spinel glanced out into the crowd and waved to him as she began her swing on the trapeze, and the courteous little gent waved back at her. 

_It’s not the same as before_ , Spinel said softly inside. _And I’m still hurting._

_Each day individually, though. I'll do it, with the support and companionship of my new friend and with that person standing by my side -- I’ll truly learn to love again, taking it one day at a time,_

_...And she’ll--no, he’ll, be there with me this time, by my side every step of the way._

**_Fin_ **


End file.
